The view from the top of Mt. Everest

is boring!

I've seen better views from planes flying over Kansas.

i know now, i know now, i know now ...

that i am gay when i listen to this song.

Separated at birth: Carl Newman & Bobby Flay

Carl Newman: lead singer of the new pornographers.  released an impressive solo album that i was I thought was good for at least 2 weeks.

Carl Newman

Bobby Flay: really good chef, one of the only truly humble, tactful people on TV.  Just watch his food network show "showdown" and you'll see what I mean.

Bobby Flay

welcome ...

to Provo.

questions for the makers of Corn Pops...

Dear Corn Pops,

Why the silver bag?  Do corn pops emit some sort of radioactive transmission that it must be shielded with an aluminum lined bag?

Why no more commercials?  I haven't seen a corn pops commercial for what seems like years.  I never enjoyed corn pops commercials, particularly because there was no mascot - just a lame catch phrase ("gotta have my pops") and untold scenarios where people would go to awkwardly drastic measures to eat corn pops.

What the hell are corn pops?  They are the closest thing to packing peanuts I have ever eaten.  When one actually bites a chunky corn pop in two, the inside is practically foam.  Is that even a food product?  

What the hell do you mean by big yellow taste?  You say it on the box.  I don't like it when tastes are assigned a color.  You should at least attempt to relate your styrofoam cereal to food in some way, and big yellow taste does not do it.  What am I supposed to think when you say yellow taste?  Are you claiming that yellow simply equals the taste of corn pops?  If so, I'm not comfortable with your usurpation of an entire color's flavor.  

And lastly - what the hell is this about?

googling megavore .....

if you ever happen to enter megavore into google, in their pretentious nerdiness infinite wisdom they will ask you if you meant megastore?

 
if you meant to search for megastore and actually typed megavore ... you deserve to look at MEGAVORE

A Fine Frenzy - how can a band with a singer like this not get gigs?

Making a successful band isn't rocket science.  Especially when you have a lead singer as painfully beautiful as this girl.  The band is called A Fine Frenzy, but who cares.  The music is subpar, but honestly, watching this girl play is mesmerizing.  See for yourself: 

Peddar Zasquez predicts TV in 2008

Lost (ABC) The maniacal, ubiquitous series is back. The first two episodes mark a shift in perception as the show now flashes into the future instead of the past. There is much more intensity, less respite for the viewer because of the strangeness of the future lives of “the six”.

Prediction: Lost will lose steam halfway through this season and will become missing in its own delicious confusion.

In Treatment (HBO) Best known for his roles as a tough guy (The Usual Suspects) and Irish husband (Jindabyne), Gabriel Byrne puts on the suit of therapist and deals with people’s problems in a very raw format. There are no flashbacks, no severe editing. It is simply a therapist talking to a patient for a 30 minute session. The camera never fades or leaves the room.

Prediction: In Treatment will soon have a cult following, especially to anyone interested in the craft of acting.

Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations (Travel) Peddar is years behind on this show. Anthony is the loveable asshole food critic whose goal is to consume the world. As an accomplished chef he is on a mission to test tradition. Surprisingly he often finds tradition to be the best solution to modern cuisine.

Prediction: Anthony Bourdain will continue to make enlightening and culture bending entertainment until he dies from eating Japanese blowfish or from liver disease.

Rock of Love 2 (VH1) At the end of the first season, Jes Rickleff was chosen as Bret Michael’s wife to be, but in the reunion special she admitted that Bret was probably not the one for her. Bret blamed it on her youth but I think we all know what the real reason was, i.e. she wasn’t slutty enough. This season is sure to be filled with buxomed wannabe brides hungry for Bret’s rock of love (money and fame).

Prediction: Bret will finally find that special combination of stripper/nurse/MILF that the network wants him to find.

cavities

Movie Review: There Will Be Blood

Usually I go to the movies to be entertained. The way I see it, as long as a movie keeps me entertained for a couple of hours, job well done; however, when a movie like "There Will Be Blood" comes along, it is hard to ignore. Only showing at select theaters, and rated R even though there's really nothing out of the PG-13 realm, TWBB definitely appeals to an older, more mature audience. Daniel Day-Lewis plays a blood-thirsty (pardon the pun) oil entrepreneur who doesn't care much for the trivialities of every-day life, and frankly doesn't give a crap about anyone else other than himself. The movie really captures his descent into complete and utter bastardom, which is brilliantly portrayed and impeccably acted. Seriously I don't think I've ever seen a more convincing acting job than Day-Lewis does in TWBB. If he does not get the oscar for best actor I will personally go to the house of each and every member of the academy and karate chop him or her in his or her throat. Paul Dano's portrayal of a zealous preacher is a tad over-the-top but appropriately so.
This film is also visually stunning, nailing the intensity of the oil-drilling business while capturing the subtleties of rural life. Jonny Greenwood deserves the highest honors as well for his OST; his compositions were brilliant and perfectly followed the themes in the film. The unorthodox sounds used to create tension and uneasiness were a welcome change.
I know it's 2.5 hours long but it will feel like you hopped in the delorean and took a quick stroll around the parking lot. Stupid reference? Yes.
Go out and see this movie right now.

Amazing Remix: The Presets - My People (D.I.M. Remix)

The power of a good remix is the fusion of two powerful creative forces to create something of a bastard child of monstrous proportions.  D.i.m.'s remix of The Presets's My People is a triumphant remix in that it is so much better than The Preset's original version, and pops so much more than anything d.i.m. does on his own.  I'll admit the bridge from minute 3 to about minute 4:30 is rather tedious, but it comes back with such a pulsing compression that rivals any Ed Banger artist.

The Constable's January Playlist

I thought I'd take a second to document what new or slightly new music I've been particularly fond of in the month of January 2008. 

BenoÎt Pioulard 

album: precis

genre: frenchy folky ambient

description: BP sounds like if Andrew Bird and Chris Richards of Ris Paul Ric (also of Q and not U fame) spawned a love child. The music is mostly acoustic, with really quality ambient elements - some songs are just beautiful abstract ambient stuff. The best part of BP is his distinctive haunting sound that I really enjoy. 

Cobra Noir

genre: unadulterated grimy garage drone hardcore 

description: what stands out to me most about Cobra Noir might not stand out to most: the drumming.  Give these drums a good listen - there is something so pure about the simple yet driving beats that give Cobra Noir to me that push towards authenticity that keeps bringing me back.  Also, their formula of dark garage drone-core is really what I've been looking for these days.

Health

genre: post post core

description: Health sounds like a mix between my all time favorite band as of late - Liars - and another band that just released a horrible 2nd album XRXBX.  I can tell just by listening to these guys that they don't take themselves seriously, but not in an ironic - we're so cool we can make fun of ourselves way, rather in a we have the confidence to experiment with new patterns and sounds sort of way, and that is seriously refreshing.  I will note, there are a few moments that sound a lot like the Locust, which is not a good thing, and on the whole forgivable.

Johan Hedberg

genre: swedish pop-core

description: Johan Hedberg sounds like a mix between Stereo Total and Erlend Oye (the guy from Kings of Convenience).  However, his blend of jingly jangly electronimetrics is enough to have me returning for repeated doses.

Sightings

genre: post-experimental

description: I keep my recent finds on shuffle and Sightings continually keeps me checking to see who is responsible for the audible splogasm bursting in my ears.  They sound like a mix between Mixel Pixel and Black Dice but really way better than either (or both as you will).  I would even go so far as to replace Mixel Pixel with the Liars.  They are just the kind of diy noise-core type of post-experimental music that I've been looking for these days.

The Teenagers

genre: adolescent sentimental core

description: these guys are from France, and they seem to specialize in heavily accented narratives to accompany their caricature-like tributes to gushing teenage sentimentality.  however, The Teenagers are apt to inject all sorts of dirty horny guy take advantage of girl lines.  listen carefully.

Police Beat

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one to point out obtuse groups of people and the worthless fruits of their labors, one need not look further than the (anonymous but lame Utah town's name) Police Beat. How so, you ask? Whilst perusing the local paper, I came across a few incandescent nuggets of genius. Quotes are verbatim:
"A male was reported walking suspiciously on and around University Parkway. Officers responded and found the male was just having a difficult day and was simply trying to clear his head."
"A suspicious package addressed to a [police] lieutenant was left on a police car. The package was filled with essays and ramblings difficult to understand. It is currently under investigation."
Need I say more?

Matthew Dear: Deserter

I really enjoyed Matthew Dear's latest album Asa Breed; my favorite track on the album is deserter. This song has this subdued 80's theme to it that is as creepy as it is fragile. I was pleased to stumble across a live video version of the song that I think really demonstrates that Matthew Dear excels where so many electronic artists seemingly cower (bouncing cowering) behind their laptops.

a metaphysical proposition

I figured my first post would need to be something noteworthy, and since I've just finished watching all 3 seasons of LOST in the past 2 weeks or so, it seems fitting for me to reveal unto the world my latest invention:

Separated at birth: Real Tuesday Weld and Eternal Sunshine Sountrack

Some might say I have a photographic memory when it comes to music, like if I hear similar chord pattern structures in two different songs I can make the link and tie them together. I've already posted a few separated at births - go back and see for yourself.

However, in this case, anyone would have to be lying to say that there is not some egregious malfeasance going on here between the Real Tuesday Weld and Jon Brion. The similarities between these two songs are striking. The whole thing reeks of plagiarism from one side or the other. 

After a cursory investigation, Jon Brion's song was released March 19, 2004, and the RTW's song was releasted August 27, 2007. So I think its apparent who copied who.... go ahead and listen for yourself and decide if I've got a point. In my opinion, I've enjoyed TRTW dating back to 2002, but whenever someone pulls sh*t like this I really can't respect them musically.

The Constable welcomes: manticore

The constable is pleased to welcome manticore to the MEGAVORE squadron.

Goals for 2008

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my goals for 2008.  After a lot of thought, I've come up with a bit of a working list:

1. Try to give new people that I meet the entirely wrong impression about what kind of person I am.

2. I want to start buying vegan hot dogs and real hot dogs and cutting them in half and putting them together to make one hot dog and eating them with half vegan chili and cheese and half processed chili and cheese.

3. Stop being such a PUSSY about taking advantages of really short lines at grocery stores.

4. Find at least one person that I can corner into an intervention.

5. Post in MEGAVORE almost every day.

6. I'm going to put together a book documenting the world of crude bathroom graffiti/etching/notes.  This will require that I keep my camera with me at all times.

7. Spend as little money on deodorant as possible.

8. Take advantage of at least two homeless people.

I might think of some more, but for now, I'm going to work on what I've got so far.  

Song: Wolves in the Throne Room: Cleansing

After hearing Wolves in the Throne Room for the first time a few months ago I was hooked. Its amazing that after so many years and hearing so many metal/hardcore bands, there are still bands that can improve the genre.