Wednesday, November 12, 2008

TOP 5 ALL-TIME BREAKFAST CEREALS

A Quick Disclaimer : By no means am I presenting the list for "most delicious" breakfast cereals, nor did I say "top 5 healthiest breakfast cereals." This is a list that, after much deliberating and extensive pondering, I have decided to present to you. Decide what you may; these are without question the cereals that will stick by your side. Sure, there are many one-night stand cereals out there like Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs, that from time to time sound delicious, but then after you have an entire box, you have seen the error of your ways. It's time to discuss those breakfast cereals that have a distinctly delicious combination of flavors, texture, and endurability. Let us proceed:


5. Honeycomb : Although many of you will disagree with me, allow me to explain. Honeycomb has the perfect "cereal" texture - smooth, light, crispy, doesn't get too soggy. Sure, it's not packed with flavor, but that's one of its more endearing qualities.
I can eat at least seven bowls of honeycomb before I realize what I've done.
Honeycomb never disappoints me.

4. Honey Smacks : Much alike unto the aforementioned Honeycomb, Honey Smacks (and not to be redundant with another honey-themed cereal) is another one of those cereals you can eat way too much of well before you are aware of the consequences. Sugar Smacks do indeed go soggy, but sogginess doesn't slow these bastards down - they taste almost better when they are soggy! By no means are they extravagant; however, they continue on as an unassuming powerhouse among breakfast cereals. Rock on, diggum.


3. Fruit Loops : Here, I have departed from the "easy-to-swallow" realm of breakfast cereals. IF YOU DO NOT GIVE FRUIT LOOPS SOME TIME TO SOAK, be warned, for your mouth will most likely result in bleeding and/or battle scars. In this regard they are very closely related to the Cap'n Crunch family (which narrowly missed making my list, I'll have you know.)



2. Frosted Mini-Wheats : I could imagine no greater a cereal that could satisfy both the mature adult and the 6-year old brat inside of me than Frosted Mini-Wheats. What propelled Frosted Mini-Wheats so high up on my list is its snackability factor. Sure you can eat almost any cereal without milk and its delicious, but FMW (as I like to call them) is undeniably delicious on its own. And, the fact that you get sugary sweetness along with a healthy dose of dietary fiber is both responsible and irresistibly naughty.
























































1. (TIE) Cracklin' Oat Bran - Cinnamon Toast Crunch : It was just too difficult for me to pick a winner in this battle, as each of these cereals is so uniquely qualified to win best all-time breakfast cereal. While Cracklin' Oat Bran is deliciously healthy while delivering a mouthful of flavor that even Achmadinejad is jealous of, Cinnamon Toast Crunch is so deliciously juvenile that George W. Bush will probably assume that your box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch is packed with enriched-uranium and will have it confiscated by the U.S. Military. He won't get in trouble, either, because as soon as he shares your Cinnamon Toast Crunch with Harry Reid, you're SOL on getting your cereal back.
So while you're enjoying your bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and trying not to dry heave at the thought of sharing your Grandma's bowl of Cracklin' Oat Bran, think twice. Cracklin' Oat Bran is not to be underestimated, as it is most definitely Cracklin'.

1 comment:

The Constable said...

My rebuttal:

5. Honeycomb is good, but it is like the polyester of breakfast cereals. Cheap fluffy crap.

4. Honey Smacks makes you pee smell like it.

3. Froot Loops - no argument there, that crap has got to soak.

2. MIni Wheats - in recent years they've skimped on the frosting. In my opinion, it is not sweet enough. Try the Post mini wheats or the cheaper malt-o-meal for decent frosting to wheat ratio.

1. Cinnamon Toast Crunch for me.