MEGAVORE

TOP 5 ALL-TIME BREAKFAST CEREALS

2008-11-12T19:16:00.002-07:00

A Quick Disclaimer : By no means am I presenting the list for "most delicious" breakfast cereals, nor did I say "top 5 healthiest breakfast cereals." This is a list that, after much deliberating and extensive pondering, I have decided to present to you. Decide what you may; these are without question the cereals that will stick by your side. Sure, there are many one-night stand cereals out there like Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs, that from time to time sound delicious, but then after you have an entire box, you have seen the error of your ways. It's time to discuss those breakfast cereals that have a distinctly delicious combination of flavors, texture, and endurability. Let us proceed:

5. Honeycomb : Although many of you will disagree with me, allow me to explain. Honeycomb has the perfect "cereal" texture - smooth, light, crispy, doesn't get too soggy. Sure, it's not packed with flavor, but that's one of its more endearing qualities.
I can eat at least seven bowls of honeycomb before I realize what I've done.
Honeycomb never disappoints me.

4. Honey Smacks : Much alike unto the aforementioned Honeycomb, Honey Smacks (and not to be redundant with another honey-themed cereal) is another one of those cereals you can eat way too much of well before you are aware of the consequences. Sugar Smacks do indeed go soggy, but sogginess doesn't slow these bastards down - they taste almost better when they are soggy! By no means are they extravagant; however, they continue on as an unassuming powerhouse among breakfast cereals. Rock on, diggum.

3. Fruit Loops : Here, I have departed from the "easy-to-swallow" realm of breakfast cereals. IF YOU DO NOT GIVE FRUIT LOOPS SOME TIME TO SOAK, be warned, for your mouth will most likely result in bleeding and/or battle scars. In this regard they are very closely related to the Cap'n Crunch family (which narrowly missed making my list, I'll have you know.)

2. Frosted Mini-Wheats : I could imagine no greater a cereal that could satisfy both the mature adult and the 6-year old brat inside of me than Frosted Mini-Wheats. What propelled Frosted Mini-Wheats so high up on my list is its snackability factor. Sure you can eat almost any cereal without milk and its delicious, but FMW (as I like to call them) is undeniably delicious on its own. And, the fact that you get sugary sweetness along with a healthy dose of dietary fiber is both responsible and irresistibly naughty.

1. (TIE) Cracklin' Oat Bran - Cinnamon Toast Crunch : It was just too difficult for me to pick a winner in this battle, as each of these cereals is so uniquely qualified to win best all-time breakfast cereal. While Cracklin' Oat Bran is deliciously healthy while delivering a mouthful of flavor that even Achmadinejad is jealous of, Cinnamon Toast Crunch is so deliciously juvenile that George W. Bush will probably assume that your box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch is packed with enriched-uranium and will have it confiscated by the U.S. Military. He won't get in trouble, either, because as soon as he shares your Cinnamon Toast Crunch with Harry Reid, you're SOL on getting your cereal back.
So while you're enjoying your bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and trying not to dry heave at the thought of sharing your Grandma's bowl of Cracklin' Oat Bran, think twice. Cracklin' Oat Bran is not to be underestimated, as it is most definitely Cracklin'.

Separated at birth: Jim Adkins and Franklin Pierce?

2008-10-13T21:35:00.004-06:00

It's an interesting dilemma: Is Jim Adkins* a reincarnation of our fourteenth U.S. President, Franklin Pierce (with a little less charisma, of course)?
*And no, I'm not referring to the creator of the Atkins diet, Mr. Robert Atkins - we have him to thank for driving millions of helpless children into the illusory clutches of vegetarianism? There's nothing better than convincing people that stuffing their faces with pork and cheese and then washing it down with beef jerky and bacon grease is going to help them lose weight.
I'm referring to Jim, the Jimmy that is (or once was) Jimmy Eat World, the band that got us all through the depression/repeat identity crises that is adolescence. And although Franklin Pierce did me no such favors, I'm inclined to believe that he'd probably be more fun to hang out with (at least go to for fashion advice.)
They look like they're both pretty good at working up a sweat and then fossilizing their hair. And frankly I would like to have seen Franklin Pierce sporting the denim.
Why would I choose Franklin Pierce you ask? Because I have a complex that involves remember all of the U.S. Presidents in chronological order. Why would I do that? Because I have an insatiable hunger for complexes. I think I'm going to name it the "Manticore Nutrition Approach: A Complex Weight Loss Program."

One Minute Review: the iPod Touch

2008-08-19T18:22:00.002-06:00

This summer I bought a new macbook, which is fantastic. What is even more fantastic is that when I went in to buy my macbook, I was informed that I would get a free ipod touch.

I have since used it profusely and have come to the conclusion that I have really don't know whether to love it or hate it. Here is my list of the pros and cons of the iPod Touch

Pros:
Beautiful resolution
Crisp glass touch screen that stays clean
Amazing interface with lots of polish
Applications to manage calendar, get on the internet etc
It is small and slim
The videos come out in widescreen and are watchable

Cons:
Audio issues - for some reason the controls on music are horrible - to scan ahead in a song you have to drag your finger on some microscopic song bar, it doesn't let you shuffle the songs without hitting the shuffle song button, it puts podcasts off in a different section of the menu, the touch controls don't react the first time you touch them.

Storage issues - obviously, Apple was aware that their first batch of ipod touches were not worth the money - so they gave them away for free. The 8 GB hard drive is abhorrently insufficient. You can't even have any music if you want to have videos, or vice versa, or so it feels at least. In a day and age where hard drives are growing to gargantuan proportions, it is hard to have patience while they digress a decade in flash drive storage space. I say bring out the big guns and you will sell some crap.

Application usability - yes the ipod has a bunch of applications, but they are almost impossible to use. The keypad is such a pain to use, you have to sit there and punch each letter like a doofus; even more you have to concentrate like a ninja to not get a wrong letter. The internet application works, but it is weird to scan pages in microversion and then inflate small chunks of the page at a time. I guess you have to get used to it, but I'm not that desperate to get on the internet. Probably the biggest limitation of the ipod touch is its dependence on an outside network to connect to the network. That is why you buy an iphone - it unleashes all of the maps, mail, calendar, and browsing potential of the device.

Bottom Line: Its a good thing I got one for free, cause I still could never conceive of shelling out the money they want for an iphone or ipod touch. Apple just has to offer more to make it worthwhile.

Separated at Birth: Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry?

2008-07-21T20:37:00.004-06:00

I fell in love with Zooey Deschanel when i saw Elf for the first time. She is a viable actress who has recently teamed up with a reputable musician, M. Ward, to release her album entitled She & Him.
Apparently Katy Perry is using her uber-conservative upbringing and Zooey Deschanel-cloned genes to sell albums about her "equivocal" sexuality. And if she ever decides to kiss a girl again, she should give Zooey a call. But perhaps that's a bit too narcissistic.

While compiling these 2 photos together, i'm pretty sure I forgot which was which. So if you run into either of them, you can discuss music, acting, good looks, sexual preferences, and/or suntan lotion.

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

2008-07-20T22:52:00.003-06:00

After receiving a free pass to see a Tuesday night screening of The Dark Knight at the IMAX theater, I nearly vomited and fell into a jubilee-induced coma. Let that set the stage for how excited I have been, for the past year, to see this film.
I'm a big Christopher Nolan fan. Memento is one of the best, most original films, I have ever seen. I even rented a movie called "Following" from Netflix just to support the Nolan cause. And Batman Begins far exceeded any expectation I could ever have had regarding a batman film, after the onslaught of over-the-top acting, leather, and batsuit nipples I had endured throughout the previous 5 or 6 batman films...
Most reviews say that this movie is terrific. They are correct. A few say that this film is: too dark; too long; too action-packed (seriously?); and too out-of-the-ordinary for a "superhero" film.
I say they're morons.
This was the best movie I have ever seen. Every element was outstanding. The acting was brilliant on all parts (not to mention how believably creepy and real Ledger portrayed the Joker), the music was dramatic but not too noticeable, the cinematography was perfectly dark, and the story was flawless.

And I'm not just saying this - go see it for yourself.

Every scene Ledger is in is transcended to a new level of intensity and is blessed with a poignant creepiness. It is impossible to ignore the Joker's lines; he is mezmerizingly insane and yet arousingly sympathetic as a character. He is mysterious at times, and perfectly justified at others. Needless to say, Ledger has given the performance of a lifetime here. And, on a side note, some reviewers have said that if Ledger receives an oscar for his performance, that it would be based on sentiment rather than on merit. I say prove it. Tell me who outdid Ledger. And tell me that you will not have a hard time forgetting those piercing images of his smeared makeup and maniacal smile out of your head.
The film is 152 minutes long (2.5 hours), but when it ends you will be left neither hungry nor replete. The plot development is perfectly appropriate, and at no point in the film do you stop to wonder when it will be over, as I do in so many films, even films I really enjoy.
The beauty of The Dark Knight is the realism of the characters - Bale plays a flawed man struggling with the needs of a dying city. That's who batman is. That's why this film works. None of the characters are superhuman. Batman tries new things, fails, and fixes his errors. Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman are perfectly cast and give outstanding performances (yet again), providing the perfect comic relief during a seemingly gloomy film.
Sure, this film is dark, but that's the whole point. Batman is not about being faster than a speeding bullet, nor does he turn into a 40-foot tall green CGI beast when he gets upset.
Yes, I'm a nerd.
Go see this film.
I've seen it twice already.

And I'm glad it will beat Spiderman 3's record; that movie was an embarrassment.

Tektonik brings the traffic

2008-05-01T22:24:00.003-06:00

When I started MEGAVORE - I put a sitemeter tracker on the blog so that I could see how many people even read this piece of crap. Apparently, not very many, and most of those stumble on this site because of a small picture of some tektonic that I posted awhile back while talking about Deathwish records. Since then, in the few times I've checked the traffic to this site - it seems like most, if not all, is coming from people searching tecktonic or tektonic and finding that image, which leads them here. Here's an even better one that I found:

That says a lot more about tektonic than it does us, or about the 20 some odd minutes I've probably spent watching effeminate men and women in their cinder block basements and awkward patios, or even cramped living rooms demonstrate their improvisational arm flinging skills.

Tonight, I found this:

and I decided that I will never search for or watch another tektonic video so long as I live. I just can't over whether these guys know what song exactly they are dancing to ... either way it is really disturbing.

Brief review: Cut Copy - In Ghost Colours

2008-04-21T22:34:00.003-06:00

I just got the chance to download Cut Copy's latest album - In Ghost Colours, and I've been listening to it at least once a day for the last several days. This is one of the best complete albums that I've heard in a long time. Its not the most groundbreaking or even the most exciting album that I've heard lately, but it is just so solid - even more impressive given the fact that Cut Copy is treading so close to so many acts/genres and yet manage to completely own their sound. It is this poised confidence that in a way allows me to just relax and enjoy the music, which is masterfully interwoven with pretty much every element of good electronic music lately. Hats off to Cut Copy - I am planning on making a rare public appearance at their Urban Lounge show in SLC on May 2nd.

video refreshment....

2008-04-12T01:52:00.000-06:00

Slug Review: Cursed

2008-04-08T23:12:00.003-06:00

Megavore has been granted temporary anonymous status as an official SLUG reviewer. They had me review Cursed's latest album, III:

Cursed = Cast Iron Hike, Cobra Noir, Converge

Cursed know how to brand woebegone hardcore. They are skilled in the ways of subversively satanic iconography, immoral typeface, and the “I should probably go to therapy cause I’m so messed up but instead I make creepy music” schtick. Moreover, they've maintained a keen awareness of nuanced hardcore authenticity that has elitists like me slowly nodding with approval. On III, Cursed plug in their Voxs, crawl into a dark (and probably totally haunted) basement, and cough up some thick and dirty audio. They’ve toned down their sometimes silly caricature-like horror aesthetic, and the cocksure hardcore rockabilly swagger of previous albums in place of a more no-nonsense, concentrated demonstration of a multifarious antipathy that is (perhaps at times too) reminiscent of Converge. I feel like Cursed is leading me further into their (still totally haunted) mansion of sound, and there are rooms yet worth exploring.

The view from the top of Mt. Everest

2008-03-24T22:35:00.003-06:00

is boring!

I've seen better views from planes flying over Kansas.

i know now, i know now, i know now ...

2008-03-18T23:23:00.001-06:00

that i am gay when i listen to this song.

Separated at birth: Carl Newman & Bobby Flay

2008-03-06T21:32:00.001-07:00

Carl Newman: lead singer of the new pornographers. released an impressive solo album that i was I thought was good for at least 2 weeks.

Carl Newman

Bobby Flay: really good chef, one of the only truly humble, tactful people on TV. Just watch his food network show "showdown" and you'll see what I mean.

Bobby Flay

welcome ...

2008-02-29T20:45:00.001-07:00

to Provo.

questions for the makers of Corn Pops...

2008-02-19T00:29:00.008-07:00

Dear Corn Pops,

Why the silver bag? Do corn pops emit some sort of radioactive transmission that it must be shielded with an aluminum lined bag?

Why no more commercials? I haven't seen a corn pops commercial for what seems like years. I never enjoyed corn pops commercials, particularly because there was no mascot - just a lame catch phrase ("gotta have my pops") and untold scenarios where people would go to awkwardly drastic measures to eat corn pops.

What the hell are corn pops? They are the closest thing to packing peanuts I have ever eaten. When one actually bites a chunky corn pop in two, the inside is practically foam. Is that even a food product?

What the hell do you mean by big yellow taste? You say it on the box. I don't like it when tastes are assigned a color. You should at least attempt to relate your styrofoam cereal to food in some way, and big yellow taste does not do it. What am I supposed to think when you say yellow taste? Are you claiming that yellow simply equals the taste of corn pops? If so, I'm not comfortable with your usurpation of an entire color's flavor.

And lastly - what the hell is this about?

googling megavore .....

2008-02-19T00:00:00.003-07:00

if you ever happen to enter megavore into google, in their ~~pretentious nerdiness~~ infinite wisdom they will ask you if you meant megastore?

if you meant to search for megastore and actually typed megavore ... you deserve to look at MEGAVORE

A Fine Frenzy - how can a band with a singer like this not get gigs?

2008-02-12T01:01:00.003-07:00

Making a successful band isn't rocket science. Especially when you have a lead singer as painfully beautiful as this girl. The band is called A Fine Frenzy, but who cares. The music is subpar, but honestly, watching this girl play is mesmerizing. See for yourself:

Peddar Zasquez predicts TV in 2008

2008-02-10T15:59:00.000-07:00

Lost (ABC) The maniacal, ubiquitous series is back. The first two episodes mark a shift in perception as the show now flashes into the future instead of the past. There is much more intensity, less respite for the viewer because of the strangeness of the future lives of “the six”.

Prediction: Lost will lose steam halfway through this season and will become missing in its own delicious confusion.

In Treatment (HBO) Best known for his roles as a tough guy (The Usual Suspects) and Irish husband (Jindabyne), Gabriel Byrne puts on the suit of therapist and deals with people’s problems in a very raw format. There are no flashbacks, no severe editing. It is simply a therapist talking to a patient for a 30 minute session. The camera never fades or leaves the room.

Prediction: In Treatment will soon have a cult following, especially to anyone interested in the craft of acting.

Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations (Travel) Peddar is years behind on this show. Anthony is the loveable asshole food critic whose goal is to consume the world. As an accomplished chef he is on a mission to test tradition. Surprisingly he often finds tradition to be the best solution to modern cuisine.

Prediction: Anthony Bourdain will continue to make enlightening and culture bending entertainment until he dies from eating Japanese blowfish or from liver disease.

Rock of Love 2 (VH1) At the end of the first season, Jes Rickleff was chosen as Bret Michael’s wife to be, but in the reunion special she admitted that Bret was probably not the one for her. Bret blamed it on her youth but I think we all know what the real reason was, i.e. she wasn’t slutty enough. This season is sure to be filled with buxomed wannabe brides hungry for Bret’s rock of love (money and fame).

Prediction: Bret will finally find that special combination of stripper/nurse/MILF that the network wants him to find.

cavities

2008-02-08T23:42:00.000-07:00

Movie Review: There Will Be Blood

2008-02-06T10:41:00.000-07:00

Usually I go to the movies to be entertained. The way I see it, as long as a movie keeps me entertained for a couple of hours, job well done; however, when a movie like "There Will Be Blood" comes along, it is hard to ignore. Only showing at select theaters, and rated R even though there's really nothing out of the PG-13 realm, TWBB definitely appeals to an older, more mature audience. Daniel Day-Lewis plays a blood-thirsty (pardon the pun) oil entrepreneur who doesn't care much for the trivialities of every-day life, and frankly doesn't give a crap about anyone else other than himself. The movie really captures his descent into complete and utter bastardom, which is brilliantly portrayed and impeccably acted. Seriously I don't think I've ever seen a more convincing acting job than Day-Lewis does in TWBB. If he does not get the oscar for best actor I will personally go to the house of each and every member of the academy and karate chop him or her in his or her throat. Paul Dano's portrayal of a zealous preacher is a tad over-the-top but appropriately so.
This film is also visually stunning, nailing the intensity of the oil-drilling business while capturing the subtleties of rural life. Jonny Greenwood deserves the highest honors as well for his OST; his compositions were brilliant and perfectly followed the themes in the film. The unorthodox sounds used to create tension and uneasiness were a welcome change.
I know it's 2.5 hours long but it will feel like you hopped in the delorean and took a quick stroll around the parking lot. Stupid reference? Yes.
Go out and see this movie right now.

Amazing Remix: The Presets - My People (D.I.M. Remix)

2008-02-01T14:13:00.000-07:00

The power of a good remix is the fusion of two powerful creative forces to create something of a bastard child of monstrous proportions. D.i.m.'s remix of The Presets's My People is a triumphant remix in that it is so much better than The Preset's original version, and pops so much more than anything d.i.m. does on his own. I'll admit the bridge from minute 3 to about minute 4:30 is rather tedious, but it comes back with such a pulsing compression that rivals any Ed Banger artist.

The Constable's January Playlist

2008-01-31T00:29:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd take a second to document what new or slightly new music I've been particularly fond of in the month of January 2008.

BenoÎt Pioulard

album: precis

genre: frenchy folky ambient

description: BP sounds like if Andrew Bird and Chris Richards of Ris Paul Ric (also of Q and not U fame) spawned a love child. The music is mostly acoustic, with really quality ambient elements - some songs are just beautiful abstract ambient stuff. The best part of BP is his distinctive haunting sound that I really enjoy.

Cobra Noir

genre: unadulterated grimy garage drone hardcore

description: what stands out to me most about Cobra Noir might not stand out to most: the drumming. Give these drums a good listen - there is something so pure about the simple yet driving beats that give Cobra Noir to me that push towards authenticity that keeps bringing me back. Also, their formula of dark garage drone-core is really what I've been looking for these days.

Health

genre: post post core

description: Health sounds like a mix between my all time favorite band as of late - Liars - and another band that just released a horrible 2nd album XRXBX. I can tell just by listening to these guys that they don't take themselves seriously, but not in an ironic - we're so cool we can make fun of ourselves way, rather in a we have the confidence to experiment with new patterns and sounds sort of way, and that is seriously refreshing. I will note, there are a few moments that sound a lot like the Locust, which is not a good thing, and on the whole forgivable.

Johan Hedberg

genre: swedish pop-core

description: Johan Hedberg sounds like a mix between Stereo Total and Erlend Oye (the guy from Kings of Convenience). However, his blend of jingly jangly electronimetrics is enough to have me returning for repeated doses.

Sightings

genre: post-experimental

description: I keep my recent finds on shuffle and Sightings continually keeps me checking to see who is responsible for the audible splogasm bursting in my ears. They sound like a mix between Mixel Pixel and Black Dice but really way better than either (or both as you will). I would even go so far as to replace Mixel Pixel with the Liars. They are just the kind of diy noise-core type of post-experimental music that I've been looking for these days.

The Teenagers

genre: adolescent sentimental core

description: these guys are from France, and they seem to specialize in heavily accented narratives to accompany their caricature-like tributes to gushing teenage sentimentality. however, The Teenagers are apt to inject all sorts of dirty horny guy take advantage of girl lines. listen carefully.

Police Beat

2008-01-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one to point out obtuse groups of people and the worthless fruits of their labors, one need not look further than the (anonymous but lame Utah town's name) Police Beat. How so, you ask? Whilst perusing the local paper, I came across a few incandescent nuggets of genius. Quotes are verbatim:
"A male was reported walking suspiciously on and around University Parkway. Officers responded and found the male was just having a difficult day and was simply trying to clear his head."
"A suspicious package addressed to a [police] lieutenant was left on a police car. The package was filled with essays and ramblings difficult to understand. It is currently under investigation."
Need I say more?

Matthew Dear: Deserter

2008-01-29T12:42:00.000-07:00

I really enjoyed Matthew Dear's latest album Asa Breed; my favorite track on the album is deserter. This song has this subdued 80's theme to it that is as creepy as it is fragile. I was pleased to stumble across a live video version of the song that I think really demonstrates that Matthew Dear excels where so many electronic artists seemingly cower (bouncing cowering) behind their laptops.

2008-01-28T22:34:00.000-07:00

a metaphysical proposition

2008-01-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

I figured my first post would need to be something noteworthy, and since I've just finished watching all 3 seasons of LOST in the past 2 weeks or so, it seems fitting for me to reveal unto the world my latest invention:

Separated at birth: Real Tuesday Weld and Eternal Sunshine Sountrack

2008-01-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

Some might say I have a photographic memory when it comes to music, like if I hear similar chord pattern structures in two different songs I can make the link and tie them together. I've already posted a few separated at births - go back and see for yourself.

However, in this case, anyone would have to be lying to say that there is not some egregious malfeasance going on here between the Real Tuesday Weld and Jon Brion. The similarities between these two songs are striking. The whole thing reeks of plagiarism from one side or the other.

After a cursory investigation, Jon Brion's song was released March 19, 2004, and the RTW's song was releasted August 27, 2007. So I think its apparent who copied who.... go ahead and listen for yourself and decide if I've got a point. In my opinion, I've enjoyed TRTW dating back to 2002, but whenever someone pulls sh*t like this I really can't respect them musically.

The Constable welcomes: manticore

2008-01-25T00:08:00.000-07:00

The constable is pleased to welcome manticore to the MEGAVORE squadron.

Goals for 2008

2008-01-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my goals for 2008. After a lot of thought, I've come up with a bit of a working list:

1. Try to give new people that I meet the entirely wrong impression about what kind of person I am.

2. I want to start buying vegan hot dogs and real hot dogs and cutting them in half and putting them together to make one hot dog and eating them with half vegan chili and cheese and half processed chili and cheese.

3. Stop being such a PUSSY about taking advantages of really short lines at grocery stores.

4. Find at least one person that I can corner into an intervention.

5. Post in MEGAVORE almost every day.

6. I'm going to put together a book documenting the world of crude bathroom graffiti/etching/notes. This will require that I keep my camera with me at all times.

7. Spend as little money on deodorant as possible.

8. Take advantage of at least two homeless people.

I might think of some more, but for now, I'm going to work on what I've got so far.

Song: Wolves in the Throne Room: Cleansing

2008-01-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

After hearing Wolves in the Throne Room for the first time a few months ago I was hooked. Its amazing that after so many years and hearing so many metal/hardcore bands, there are still bands that can improve the genre.

Stephen Colbert and the writers strike

2008-01-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

Since early January most of the late night talk shows have come back on the air - there's been a noticeable decline in quality. It is obvious that these shows really depend on their writers. In fact, I can't even watch Conan because he seems so out of place, their show has adapted some rather desperate measures to fill time that would otherwise be filled with well-written comedy. For example, he's got this new thing where he spins his ring on his desk and they time how long it spins. The crowd cheers, which is a stark example that most crowds will cheer for anything when the applause sign blinks.

However, there is one glaring exception: Stephen Colbert. His show has not diminished one ounce in quality, in fact, it is as funny as it has ever been, if not even sharper. I almost feel bad for the Daily Show because Jon Stewart is so awkward with his ascorbic cynical babble humor, while Stephen is just as dynamic and fresh as ever. I'm so proud of Stephen that he can not only single-handedly produce such vibrant comedy, but that he hasn't shied away from showing off his skills when there seems to be some sort of guilt pressure from the writers for hosts to underperform so as to make the case for settling with the writers.

2008-01-22T02:53:00.000-07:00

Introducing: the worst car available on the market today

2008-01-20T00:11:00.000-07:00

So I've seen this commercial a lot lately, and each time I see it, I commit myself more and more to the notion that I don't think I could imagine a less attractive car. The features, the looks, even the entire commercial is just so utterly devoid of any style or class that it makes my brain gag, as if I was looking at something that was supposed to be food but it wasn't.

First off, who wants Microsoft to play any part of their car's inner-workings. That is pretty much a guarantee that you will have to take your p.o.s. Milan to get major service within 18 months (most-likely as soon as the warranty expires). Notice the song she has playing, there was probably some trombone playing ska used to be in the planning meeting who insisted to the equally clueless other marketing execs that the song would be "hip."

Second, who wants anything voice control? Do you? If so, you must really have an altered sense of dignity than me and my likes. I personally can't even bring myself to talk to the phone when you call a service number and you get that patronizingly friendly computer voice that says "what do you need help for today?" I'll just sit there and wait for an operator. Stubborn, yes, but the second I start to reply to those kind of dehumanizing scenarios, I feel I will become less human.

Third, this is truly one of the ugliest cars I've ever seen. Just every part about it is as bad, if not worse than Pontiac (yes, pontiac designs suck a.s.s.) I look at it and it looks like something a 70 year old should drive. In fact, this car seems to me to be the Passat for morons with no style. It offers these weird frilly perks that to Passat owners like me come across as enormous red flags.

So, no, I won't be buying a Mercury Milan anytime soon. Nor should you.

Song: Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death - Pigeon Heart

2008-01-19T19:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a fan of quirky/artsyfartsy d.i.y. intentionally amateurish music, unless its done as masterfully as TLSAD. Their two albums are rather flawless collections of experimental anthems that are as awkward as they are compelling.

Cloning of the lambs....

2008-01-18T23:10:00.000-07:00

Just today there was a story about a scientist who has begun the process of cloning himself ...

It looks to me that this guy already has a clone in my favorite radio talk show host Michael Medved:

The Constable's schedule just opened up a bit....

2008-01-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to start posting regularly now ... I'm not as sad or busy as I used to be.

The greatest quote from a holiday movie

2007-11-25T21:31:00.000-07:00

Kyle Gass (of Tenacious D fame) in the movie Elf (they are pitching different story ideas for a children's book: "what about a tribe of asparagus children, and they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells."

This is what I get....

2007-11-20T01:02:00.000-07:00

for going places on youtube I never should have been....

What kind of kisser is MEGAVORE?

2007-11-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

You're a Free Love Kisser

Of all the kissing types, you've racked up the most experience

Kissing is no big deal to you - you'll kiss anyone you find hot!

Cause your a SLUT! You don't respect yourself, so kissing anyone is easy!

It's easy for you to take the plunge and make the first move.

You're afraid of anyone getting to know you, because you're so sad and hurt inside.

And you don't really consider kissing to be cheating!

Mainly because you use people as much as you do your sexuality to get attention!

Are You Sad Enough To Take An Online Kissing Test and Post the Results on your Blog/Myspace/Facebook page?

Ditching the democratic debate to watch The Office.

2007-11-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

Absolutely.

Exorcism: Is it in you?

2007-11-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

Exorcisms can either be really scary, or really ridiculous. Thanks to youtube, we can witness how much a modern day exorcism seems like a mixture of a bratty kid's temper tantrum and the WWF. (Ironically, how much do you want to bet that these "possessed" people are in fact desperately lonely?) The following video is one of the best examples. You owe it to yourself to watch at least until minute 4 ... skip ahead if you have to.

If you really think about it, I'm sure deep down in each of us is a stellar exorcism performance just waiting to come out. Just think of the beautiful moaning and wailing you could conjure - the deep growly voice - the sacrilegious babble - the jerking and screaming. I'm extremely confident that I could put on one of the most wonderful possessions/exorcisms in history. I would stage a mock exorcism and film it were I not afraid of being struck down with lightning for sacrilege. But if for some reason I do in the future ... I want this guy to do it:

Update: Pitchfork reviews Burial's Untrue

2007-11-13T13:58:00.001-07:00

Oozes with self-importance. Isn't it amazing how well Pitchfork reviews squeezes all of the fun out of music. Their like, here's why this is like this ... what, you didn't know that, you should read our reviews before you like anything.

The Burial review is well enough, its just the reviewer actually used the phrase "and in doing so smears them into unique shapes." Thats almost as bad as this line we read from a flyer put out by an SLC-based activist org called Visual Cacophony: " Visual Cacophony is busy fighting the geography of anywhere." Thats like saying no matter who you are, where you live, what you do, what you like, we'll find something wrong with you and we will fight it. This Saturday, they are fighting big box stores by organizing a "Social Sculpture Parade" for people to put small boxes into a big box, to what, symbolize how it takes dozens of small stores to equal the might of a big box store. I'm sure the visual cacophony resulting from such a symbolic and artistic protest will bring many to tears, and will move all of the broke, self-righteous hipsters involved to keep ~~guilting~~ telling their wealthy not-so-hipster friends to go shop local.

Anyway, here's the review already.

Why Deathwish Records Has So Many Good Bands...

2007-11-13T00:47:00.000-07:00

I listen to a lot of music, and I tend to do so focusing on a particular genre at a time. My last genre was the pulsating sensation of french electronica - mostly the stuff on Ed Banger, but I came across a lot of other good bands through some late night internet browsing (like the Bloody Beetroots, Punks Jump Up, the Bumblebeez, and the Field.) I also learned that there was this whole new dance coming out of the French electronic scene called "tektronik".

Admittedly, I've watched my fair share of this utterly mesmerizing and ridiculous dancing. (for a sample, click here, here or here - but watch out, it just might ruin French electronic music for you too.). That was when I knew it was time to move onto a new genre. I think my psyche instinctually sought balance to the overwhelming femininity of the French muzak by craving once again hardcore music.

I've always loved hardcore music, but I've always been horrendously picky in choosing the bands that I can listen to and really get into their music. Some of my favorite hardcore bands that still get rotation are the Refused, Converge, Transistor Transistor, Envy, and Das Oath. So lately I've been searching out some good new hardcore bands, which, like I said is really hard because so much hardcore is like this Korn-y numetal prog-rock crap. So many bands these days have at least one element that render them unlistenable - like a singer who sings all Megadethy, with that weird kind of accent. Or they are the Locust, and just want to please themselves with so many rapid-fire, amorphous hardcore ejaculations, that I just feel jizzed all over after I listen to it.

So yes, I am somewhat of a traditionalist when it comes to hardcore music. For this reason Converge really stands apart as one of my all time favorite hardcore bands and one of the most important bands currently playing music. (Emusic used to have almost all of their music available, but apparently not anymore.) Not only do I find their musicianship and songwriting impeccable, but they are real. I came across further evidence of this tonight while I was browsing emusic, and again ended up checking out Deathwish Records bands again. In the last few weeks I keep going back to Deathwish because so many of their bands keep coming up so satisfactory. And as I was looking at different bands, I kept noticing that Jacob Bannon did almost all of the album covers. Jacob Bannon, the name sounds familiar. Yes, it is Converge's singer. Then I notice that a bunch of the albums are produced by Kurt Ballou, Converge's guitarist. After a quick search it turns out Deathwish is Jake Bannon's record label, and Converge is obviously involved in the recording and designing of Deathwish's bands. Its no wonder then that I've taken so keenly to these bands, and I will now investigate them with renewed interest and fervor.

p.s. I'll have a review up next week about the Deathwish band that I've really been enjoying lately.....

Addendum to the Burial review

2007-11-12T15:05:00.000-07:00

I'll admit that the review of Burial's Untrue was rather hastily composed after a brief listen. After downloading the album off emusic this weekend and having the chance to listen a couple times all the way through, I think I would assign more importance to this album than in the initial review. This is a hauntingly beautiful album, with masterfully woven themes that appear throughout the work on a whole. I'm not terribly versed in step music (dub, 2step, jungle etc) but that is mainly because there is rarely anything I consider really meaningful or important that I've come across. In this way Untrue really seems to me to be an important album.

In fact, I am likely going to go download his debut also.

On a side note, we're going to start compiling album reviews on emusic. To see them, go visit our emusic profile.

burnout gone horribly right wrong

2007-11-09T21:01:00.000-07:00

Review: Burial - Untrue

2007-11-07T23:39:00.000-07:00

Untrue is comprised of myriad familiar musical elements that I've never heard combined in this particular formula before. In many ways, Burial follows a somewhat traditional house music song structure, with heavy beats, psychedelic bass lines, silky/soulful vocal accompaniments, and even uses a lot of sinewy synth sounds – however - Burial manages to incorporate all of these elements without sounding like house music, which is a good thing. Some of the aforementioned elements are reminiscent of the Streets (Archangel), Faithless (Ghost Hardware) and even Radiohead (Etched Headplate and almost the whole album in a way). In a way, Undead’s amorphously textural soundscapes remind me of Fennesz, but where Fennesz calls it good, Burial adds an entire albums more of music. Undead really works is in its ability to create rich, memorable songs without having any distinguishable melody. Instead, the depth defining contrast between the percussive patterns of the clonky snare sound and the chunky lows is the real feature of the album.

Burial on Emusic

Spotlight: 108

2007-11-07T01:11:00.000-07:00

I was pleasantly surprised to stumble upon 108 in my recent searches of emusic looking for my monthly download stipend.

108 actually has a history back to the mid 90's as one of the "krishna-core" bands that emerged around the most unlikely of religious influences, Krishna. You might have seen the jovial Hare Krishnas in your neighborhood (they have a temple sort of meeting house in Spanish Fork, Utah) as they bounce around chanting trying to cheer everyone up. Not the most natural candidate to breed a whole movement of hardcore bands, but the results were equally as delightful.

I find 108's latest album, A New Beat From a Dead Heart, to be refreshingly congruent with their older stuff (granted, I have only heard their album from the mid-90's called Holyname - which was a single 50'ish minute track) Call me old fashioned, but so much of what is deemed hardcore these days seems so overridden with metal elements. Even the vocals on hardcore albums these days so rarely consist of real screaming, it is usually some sort of distortion effect to make even the singers most angst-ridden wails sound just so horrendous and bereaved.

108 on emusic

108 on myspace

Tribute: Mike Tyson

2007-11-05T16:27:00.000-07:00

This guy is so beautifully raw. He is more punk rock than 99% of the self-proclaimed punks who come from suburban oases. I could watch an hour of Mike Tyson clips. I love how he refers to sex as fornicating; its so unusually formal. In this 6 minute clip I think he mentions fornicating at least 12 times.

Top 100 Liberals & Conservatives

2007-11-04T17:27:00.000-07:00

The British paper, The Daily Telegraph, saw fit to compile a list of the top 100 liberals and conservatives in America.

The list in my opinion is horribly disjointed, and uses the placement to spur controversy rather than to really document those who really influence politics in America.

Separated at birth? Lansing Dreiden & the New Young Pony Club

2007-11-03T13:07:00.000-06:00

What is interesting is that I stumbled upon both of these bands around the same time a few months ago ... I heard of Lansing Dreiden from a friend and recently got my nahds on the New Young Pony Club's latest LP.

I was plenty satisfied by NYPC's Hiding on the Staircase, in fact its bassline engraved itself in my memory such that a week or so later when I heard the Lansing Dreiden song I made the connection.

Go ahead, listen to both and tell me if there aren't some striking similarities....

http://www.myspace.com/newyoungponyclub

http://www.myspace.com/lansingdreiden

Madonna and Mormonism

2007-11-01T18:30:00.000-06:00

I've been recently reflecting on the truly inspiring news story where Madonna claimed that she is an "Ambassador for Judaism." You probably know somewhat of Madonna's self-congratulatory ascent from:

this...

"When is he going to ask me to take this oversized Hanes v-neck off?"

to this ...

"Practicing Kabbalah likes makes me feel so esoteric..."

Madonna is perhaps the most prominent celebrity as of late to convert to the sexy-mystic religion of Kabbalah. Britney Spears would easily qualify as the least inspiring. But there are tons of other celebrities that have in recent years taken an interest in Kabbalah like Demi Moore, Rosanne, Barr, Jeff Goldblum, Ashton Kutcher, Guy Ritchie, David and Victoria Beckham, and Elizabeth Taylor.

What none of these celebrities are likely aware of are the distinct, if only underlying, ties between the ancient Kabbalah and the founder of the LDS Church - Joseph Smith.

According to Harold Bloom, a Sterling Professor of the Humanities at Yale University, Joseph Smith inculcated in his restorative religious movement crucial elements of Kabbalah that normative Judaism had come to faze out.

"Smith's imaginative recapture of crucial elements, elements evaded by

normative Judaism and by the Church after it. The God of Joseph Smith

is a daring revival of the God of some of the Kabbalists and Gnostics,

prophetic sages who, like Smith himself, asserted that they had returned

to the true religion. . . . Either there was a more direct Kabbalistic influence

upon Smith than we know, or, far more likely, his genius reinvented

Kabbalah in the effort necessary to restore archaic Judaism."

(Bloom, The American Religion, pg. 95)

If the Restoration that founded LDS Church required the restoration of all things, wouldn't it only be natural that we see elements of archaic Judaism via Kabbalah in LDS doctrine? Moreover, don't you think that if Madonna were to really investigate the esoteric underbelly of the real LDS Gospel paradigm she would be pleasantly surprised?

Is it wrong?

2007-11-01T12:25:00.000-06:00

.... that I drive around all day hoping to see horrific car accidents?

Sex Pistols Update via Pitchfork confirmation

2007-10-31T16:00:00.000-06:00

Yes, we here at MEGAVORE read pitchfork almost every day. It is an indie-rock music review site full of complete assholes, but it is a good way to find out about new music, and their perspective is intermittently informative.

Today, however, I was pleased to find a similarly estranged commentary regarding the Sex Pistols performance last night on the Tonight Show.

As quoted from PitchforkMedia: "There's this punk rock band, see, called the Sex Pistols, they were a big deal in the 1970s, and last night they played on the "Tonight Show". Watch John Lydon as he shimmies like your drunk uncle onstage at your cousin's wedding. If you've ever identified strongly with this band, you may want to skip this one, or better yet, head over to YouTube to check out old stuff like this. (link to old Sex Pistols performances)

Here's the actual performance so that you can see for yourself.

How exactly are they still doing this?

2007-10-30T23:39:00.001-06:00

I think that in a way, there is a part of us deep down at our core that can understand core punk rock. It is a primal defiance to all rules, animosity towards authority, and the ritualistic trespassing of societal mores. We are all human animals and can tap into our innate sense of anarchy. At least we could when we were 15.

"What you say about my mohawk beeitch"

But after the frustrating hormonal surges subside, most of us begin to think more clearly as we gradually begin to understand that the world not quite as we envisioned it at 15, and that even if it isn't quite how we would like it, there are more productive ways to enact the change we wish to seek than churning out angst-ridden bar-chord anthems in our custom tailored jeans and 24 hole docs....

There are, of course, exceptions. And perhaps the most profound and disturbing exception to the aforementioned notion is Johnny Rotten - the singer of the Sex Pistols who has never seemed willing or wanting to shed his incessantly ascorbic punk philosophy. Granted, this guy deserves some credit because he started one of the most important punk bands in history ....

"Are you havin a laugh?"

But in reality, this guy is over 50 years old, and he is still performing his beef jerky punk songs about anarchy. Just tonight I saw him on the Tonight Show performing as the Sex Pistols!!! I'm all for people milking as much money as possible out of what they have done in the past, but there is something kind of sad about watching such old guys play something that is best to be left to 15 year olds.

"If only Sid could see me now!"

Justice on Jimmy Kimmel

2007-10-30T21:46:00.000-06:00

I managed to catch Justice on Jimmy Kimmel last night, which, I have to admit was a rather strange delivery. The idea itself seemed pretty solid ... to have a lip sync band of famous icons like Michael Jackson, Rick James, and Stevie Wonder (I forgot who the guitarist was supposed to be) But after the two guys from justice messed with some ghettoblaster, the song just played as if off a cd, and the lip syncing got down right tedious. In the end, I think it is lazy for electronic artists to not offer even any attempt to pretend like they are somehow involved in the playback process. I can give Justice a point or two for creativity, but I think they miscalculated just how long the song seems for the impersonators to just be syncing. In the end, its nice to see such seemingly indomitable artists make some sort of blunder, after all we're all human after all.

... the shape of MEGAVORE to come

2007-10-30T03:13:00.000-06:00

as MEGAVORE (debating whether to pursue an all-caps spelling in the future) slowly metamorphosizes from an amorphous and antagonistic idea into a full-fledged online production, its anonymous progenitors patiently deliberate on the temperament and acidity of their frankenstonian experiment, as well as carefully sculpt the initial content that will shape MEGAVORE forevermore.

first post

2007-10-16T16:32:00.000-06:00

we just created megavore. it will eventually become a daily blog.